I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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