My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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