I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
