haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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