we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
