Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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