i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
