It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
