He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
