Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
