why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
