Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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