Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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