she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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