If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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