The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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