now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
