My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
