He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
