I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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