do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
