he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
