I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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