I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
