smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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