Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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