I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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