ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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