walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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