I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
