what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
