My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
