then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
