apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
