im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
