dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
