SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
