Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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