dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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