Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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