turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
