my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
