sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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