Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
