Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
