we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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