you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
