Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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