Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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