I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also, beer. Big fan.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
