part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
