My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
